Loss
by Sugarfire
Summary: Aftershocks of "I was made to love you"


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Loss

Buffy sat in silence as the paramedics tried to resuscitate her mother. She couldn't move she just sat and watched. Each second felt like an hour till finally it was over…the paramedics gave up. Buffy just brought her knees up to her chest and cried. Slowly the paramedics lifted Joyce and carried her out to the ambulance, so that she could be taken to the morgue. One paramedic stayed behind to contact someone anyone to come and look after Buffy. 

"Hello?" 

"Is the Rupert Giles?" 

"Yes, who is this?" Giles questioned

"I am a paramedic, I am over Buffy Summers house can you please come over here?"

"What happened is everything alright?" Giles responded praying that it was not Buffy

"I'm afraid not. Her mother died." He said solemnly

"Dear god…I will be right there." Giles hung up the phone, grabbed his keys and jumped in the car. He arrived in mer minutes. Immediately went into the house looking for Buffy. Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of her. She looked so frail…curled up on the couch as the sobs wracked her body. "Buffy" he whispered she looked up at him lost. He sat down next to her and hugged her. She immediately latched onto him as if he were her lifeline. The paramedic left feeling certain that Giles would take care of her.

"Why? Everything I do for everyone why did they take her?" she whispered through her pain.

"I wish I had an answer…I am so sorry." He said trying to not let the tears flow. 

"Can you call Xander and have him bring Dawn home?" she said knowing she needed to tell her.

"Of course" he replied, Buffy got up and went to her room. Giles reached for the phone and called Xander.

"Hello." 

"Xander."

"Hey G-man what's up?"

"Can you bring Dawn home? Xander just you bring her alright?" 

"Ok why?" 

"I will explain when you get here…can you please call Willow as well." With that Giles hung up

Xander was concerned, Giles sounded strange and it was odd for him to just want him and Willow. He called Willow, and picked her up on the way to Buffys. Both of the were quite on the car ride not wanting to upset Dawn. They entered the house and Giles was sitting on the couch he looked to Dawn.

"Dawn…Buffy is up stairs." Dawn looked at him wondering what was going on then cautiously went up stairs to Buffy's room.

"What is going on?" Xander asked as Willow just looked at Giles noticing how upset he looked.

Dawn slowly opened the door to Buffy's room to find her sister up on the bed crying.

"Buffy…whats wrong?" Dawn came around and sat on the edge of the bed.

Giles looked to Willow then Xander.

"Joyce died…Buffy found her this afternoon." He said solemnly letting the emotion seep into his words.

Buffy looked up at Dawn. "Mom died…." Dawns shouted "NO!" she immediately grabbed onto her sister and sobbed.

Willow, Xander and Giles all looked up when they heard that heart breaking scream. Willow was crying. Xander was shocked he didn't know how to react. Neither we able to believe that she was gone, and most importantly how would Buffy be without her.

Dawn left Buffy's room and went into her own wanting to be alone to cry. Buffy just laid on her bed stil shocked that she was now alone, after everything she had done for everyone…everything...they took her.

"I'm going to sleep on the couch. I don't think they should be alone tonight." Giles said thinking of Joyce wishing this hadn't happened.thinking of it seemed they just went through this with Jenny.

Xander could only think about Buffy. 

"I am going to go and check on Buffy…Willow maybe you should check on Dawn." Xander went up stairs. He went into her room closing the door behind him…leaving the room with faint rays of moonlight shining on Buffy's crying figure on the bed. He walked over to her and laid onto the bed beside her pulling her into his arms. Buffy buried her head in his chest and cried.

"Xander…" she mumbled through tears "Why?"

"I dunno Buffy…I dunno." He said softly as he held her. Her cries quieted and she fell asleep in his arms. Xander just laid there and watched over her, until finally drifting off to sleep himself.

End Part 1

By, Sugarfire

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**Loss - Part 2**   
  
  
Time seemed to pass slowly. Willow quietly opened Buffy's door and sawthat   
Xander was holding her as she cried. Willow closed the door comforted by the   
fact that Buffy was notalone. Dawn had fallen asleep long ago,she cried to   
the point of exhaustion. Willow sits in Dawns room watching her,just lost in   
her thoughts…i style='mso-bidi-font-style:normal'She is the keynot even   
truly Joyce's daughter or Buffy's sisters yet she is still broken.Buffy…god   
how will Buffy be, once she settles from the jolt of her mothersdeath she   
will have to deal with Dawn. Who knows what will happen, will Dawn be with   
her to old age safe inBuffy's protective guard…will Dawn outlive Buffy.   
Buffy is the slayer not meant to live forever she has alreadyoutlived most of   
the slayers. Is thiswhat her life is suppose to be one heartache after   
another. She is destined to save the world but whowill save her.   
  
Giles is asleep on the couchtrying to get some sleep after the tiring events   
of the day. To his dismay even though he was suppose tobe morning Joyce he   
could only think of Jenny. _I miss you Jenny. Buffy's motherdies and all I   
can think of is you. Sheis so young, Buffy carries such a burden and now she   
looses the one thing thatwas normal in her life…but at least Joyce died   
peacefully and was not killed like you. God how is she going todeal with this?   
_ Giles finally wasable to give into his exhaustion and fell asleep.   
  
Xander looks at the clock it ismidnight he had a few hours sleep. Buffy is   
finally sleeping peacefully. _She is so beautiful…I cant believe it I have a   
girlfriend at home andI am lying here in bed with Buffy Summers. I don't love   
Anya. I thought Idid but I think it is just because I am alone and she   
hasn't learned anybetter. I mean lets face it she is anex-demon and she   
dated a troll, her tastes aren't that high. I have always loved   
Buffy…always will. We have spent more and more time togethersince Riley   
left, she seems to have latched onto me, not that I amcomplaining. She   
hardly hangs out withWillow anymore. I can't help but wonderif maybe she   
could eventually feel the same way. I feel so selfish lying here with her   
thinking of this when shejust lost her mother. What the hell amI thinking!   
I just need to be here forher, but in light of everything I need to end   
things with Anya it's not fair toher. _Xander looks down again atBuffy who   
has her head buried up against his chest. He rests his head on hers and just   
lies there holding her lookingout the window at the moon. Histhoughts are   
interrupted by Buffy who begins to cry in her sleep for hermother.   
  
"Buffy?" He sits up some andshakes her a little. "Buffy?" He calls to her   
softly; she opens her eyes nowfresh with tears.   
  
"Xander..." she whispers   
  
"It's alright…I'm here." He says and wraps his arms around her oncemore.   
Buffy places her head in thecrook of his neck, comforted by his strong arms   
wrapped around her comfortingand protective. She takes a breathinhaling his   
scent slowly lulled to sleep by his breathing.   
  
End Part 2   
  
By, Sugarfire   
Email Address: [Sugarfire6@aol.com][1]   
  


  
  
**Loss - Part 3 **  
  
  
It was morning the sun shinedbrightly in Buffy's room as she opened her   
eyes. She looked up to see Xander sleeping peacefully next to her…hisarms   
still wrapped protectively around her. _He laid here with me all night. Thank   
you Xander. I needed you…Ineed you. What am I going to do withoutmom?_   
  
Fresh tears sprung from her eyesas she thought of her mother. Shesilently   
let the tears flow as she looked as Xander. Xander opened his eyes feeling   
that she had moved in his arms.   
  
"Hey" he said looking as her tearfilled eyes. He lifted his hand to   
hercheek and wiped away her tears.   
  
"Thank you Xander" she whisperedand without even thinking leaned in and gave   
him a soft kiss on the lips. Xander was a bit startled but quicklyreturned   
it. She pulled away and restedher head on his chest. Xander strokedher hair   
as she lay there listening to his heartbeat. Xander was lost in his thoughts…   
_She kissed me! I thought myheart was going to burst out of my chest when her   
lips touched mine. I wonderwhat she was thinking or if she was thinking when   
she did that?_   
  
Xander was brought out of histhoughts when Buffy lifted her head.   
  
"I should go and check on Dawn."   
  
He nodded "Alright. I thinkWillow is in with her." Buffy smiles slightly and   
went to Dawns room. Willow was asleep in the rocking chair, _justlike mom   
used to do when we were sick_. The tears flowed. Dawn was soundasleep in her   
bed. Buffy quietly closedthe door and went back to her room. Xander was   
still lying on the bed.   
  
"Everything alright?" he askednoticing the tears.   
  
"Yeah, both of them are asleep."She paused "I am going to take a   
shower." She grabbed some clothes and hurried into the bathroom. Xander got   
up and went downstairs. Giles was up making coffee.   
  
"Hey Giles."   
  
"Xander. How is she?" He askedunable to mask his concern.   
  
"She is alright. Upset but dealing. She slept last night. Sheis in the   
shower."   
  
Giles nodded in response"Coffee?" He said raising the freshly made pot   
  
"No I will stick with some milk."Xander walked over to the refrigerator and   
took out the carton of milk.   
  
Buffy stripped off her clothesand turned on the water in the shower, stepping   
in and letting the water soakher body. She couldn't keep it inanymore she   
sank to the floor of the tub and cried. She brought her knees to her chest   
and buried he head againstthem and sobbed. Calling for hermother. She had   
no idea how much timepassed but she finally cried all she could at least for   
now stood up andshowered in the now cold water. Sheturned off the water and   
dried off slipping into the clothes she had broughtfrom her room. Opened the   
door to letthe steam escape into the hallway, brushed her teeth and then   
wentdownstairs. Xander and Giles bothlooked up from the kitchen table.   
  
"Hi" she said solemnly   
  
"Hi." Giles said concerned."Coffee?" he asked her not knowing what else to   
say.   
  
"Um no. I am just going to get some milk."   
  
Xander and Buffy locked eyes andhe tried to convey that everything would be   
alright. She nodded. A few secondslater Willow and Dawn came downstairs.   
  
"Buffy…" Dawn whispered throughher pain she walked over and she hugged Buffy   
  
"Dawn…we'll be alright. I promise." She whispered as she held hertrying to   
believe her own words.   
  
End Part 3   
  
By,   
Sugarfire   


   [1]: mailto:Sugarfire6@aol.com



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